My Life in Kenya

Hunter, Why Did You Do this to Me? Giving me the Jewish Guilt Trip, eh?

2005-02-24T10:15:00.000-08:00

I hope I don't have a curse on me. I bought an Elliot Smith CD the day that he stabbed himself to death.

And this past weekend I finally bought Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Then Hunter Thompson decided to commit suicide this past week/end. This article helped me feel less bad though about my consumerism causing suicidal tendencies.

Christian Scientologists

2005-02-24T09:57:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's true. My boy, Beck Hansen, has gotten married to Marissa Ribisi (she was pregnant and they probably loved each other, haha.) Yes, she is Giovanni Ribisi's sister. And she's also the weird red head portrayed in Dazed and Confused. And yes all three of the people mentioned above are Christian Scientologists. (even though i'm sure beck doesn't like to be labeled).

In my opinion (and that means I'm going to go off here), Christian scientology is a bullshit religion. (Although, i do feel more strongly against kabbalah). Its followers are mainly yuppie, LA Hollywood types who need to feel ok about the fact that they are making billions of dollars while other people who live in their same state don't have enough money to fucking eat. Ok, that's enough political ranting for today. But what can you expect from a guy whose mother was one of the youngest Warhol Factory girls? (And let me say she looks pretty good.)

Oh, and by the way, haha, Beck's new album, which is coming out soon, is excellent.

Wakes.

2005-02-23T20:51:00.000-08:00

I just went to a wake and I got to thinking. Why do people (even those who are still considered to be "old world") still allow for open caskets at their wakes? I think it's barbaric. Of course, allow the immediate family to view the deceased body for closure and such. However, otherwise allow the body to be out of view for my sake please. It makes me think of my own mortality. Therefore, it probably makes others also think of their own time-limited appearance in this world. Do it for our sakes.

(P.S. What is with the new posting thing on my blog? It's totally unnerving me.)

I hate Mice but my Birthday was Interesting

2005-02-03T13:01:00.000-08:00

Today is Thursday. My mother and I are being attacked at all fronts by mice. There were two mice traps lying on the ground. One mouse trap was on the kitchen counter waiting to be the next mouse-catcher. All of a sudden, as I am enjoying lemonade and watching Ellen (I still don't have a job), my mother screams. A mouse has landed on the kitchen counter and its two hind legs are caught on the gluey mouse trap. It's two front legs are free and squirming and its head is resting on a piece of foil. The next 1o minutes were crucial. I didn't know how to throw the trap and the mouse into a garbage bag without the mouse tail hitting me in the arm. I screamed.

My mother then went into an insulin reaction. So now she is not only moaning with fear, she is also pacing and her arm is spasming. Her arm hits me in the face. I sqeeze her arm and yell to her to bring the trash bag closer to the squirming mouse. She screams at me. I somehow flick the squirming and fearful mouse into the garbage can and run downstairs in order for the mouse to be asphyxiated. I run upstairs and make my mom drink lemonade. All in a good day's work.

I got an electric shoe polisher for my birthday. And white roses. And Jeremy brought over my accidentally forgotten graduation gift. Thanks Jer. I had forgotten how big the martini glass was!!!

So Weird, yet hmmm.

2005-02-03T10:18:00.000-08:00

Why is Prince so odd, yet so unbelievably sexy?

(I thought he was gross at first. But once I saw his biography on VH1 I was sold). If you don't believe me, just watch him perform "Purple Rain" live.

Statistics Fun, Technological Disappearances, and Rats

2005-01-20T14:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Wednesday, I went to my first Statistics course at the wonderful Morris County Community College. The class was interesting.... Full of unwed, single mothers whom we clapped for, a single engaged father, a married father, and a Pole. The Polish guy was great. I didn't even notice his accent until I asked him who the publisher of our textbook was. He just handed me the book. When we went around the room to introduce ourselves, all he said was "So far, it is good here." My kind of man. Our professor is Cuban with a bizarre American name. And his last name fits with my past experiences with Math: Challenger. I think it will be a great class.

Last night's sleep sucked. Next to my bed, there was an empty plastic yellow bag, tied with a knot. I'm not sure why it was there or why it was tied in a knot. Anyway, I woke up about 2 am to this swish swish sound. I look to my right and the supposedly empty plastic yellow bag was moving around. It was a fucking mouse. I tried to pick it up but it started squealing, so I started squealing. I got a bigger bag to put the mouse filled bag in but was freaked out to actually do it. Finally, I had to wake up my dad so he could complete the task of ridding my room of the mouse.

Today, when I went to dump more trash in our garbage can which resides in the garage, I realized what my dad did to the mouse. He just threw the bag, which had the mouse in it into the can. The mouse asphyxiated.

This is a sample of one of my future children's books. Filled with grammatical errors, non-consequential thinking and an unhappy ending. (This story did actually happen last night though, and out of sheer terror I was forced to sleep in the guest room.) My muse for telling this true but unimportant story are the fucking bratty kids who wouldn't stop bumping into me at Shop-Rite today. (Don't worry Melissa. I won't tell it to your nephew. He's too cute. Only red-heads will be exempt from hearing this story.)

My left leg really fucking hurts (my latest obsession with anatomy)

2005-01-12T21:19:00.000-08:00

Things seem a bit weird right now for me and I have realized a few things:

1. I like to read because I like to escape reality.

2. Job hunting is a real pain in the ass and I'd really rather read. I also refuse to change bedpans, thank you very much!

3. I need money. Bad.

4. My mom likes to say things to me, such as "I am in a weird, detrimental space right now." I like to say to her, "Understandably, what are you going to do about that?" And then she likes to yell at me and say, "I never said what you are alluding to!"
I'm really glad that mothers are NUTS!

5. My grandfather is losing his hearing and hates our entire extended family.

6. I pulled a muscle in my right leg.

7. And I need to go grocery shopping. For dinner tonight, I had a spoonful of peanut butter, cranberry juice, and a piece of bread with butter on it.

Thanks for listening and I wish you all the best of luck in your future endeavors! (I don't know why I was compelled to write that, I'm not thinking of killing myself in the near future or anything.) So don't worry. Just keep sending me books and time.
Books and Time. Feathers and Belts. Jobs and Onions. Mothers and Crackers and Julie Miller.

The vein in my left foot

2005-01-04T10:24:00.000-08:00

I finally saw Angels in America and it was really good. And my two favorite actresses are in it. But I had some thoughts on it so you should all go see it and then report back to me on this blog!

Hint: My thoughts have to do with the depicted Mormon guy.

Thoughts on Christmas

2004-12-27T08:20:00.000-08:00

Christmas eve- was spent with neighbors and WAY too much food. I definitely embarrassed my mom with a few dialysis jokes that she didn't appreciate. It's supposed to be the other way around right?

Christmas day- I don't remember it too well. It passed all too quickly while trying to watch movies, such as: American Splendor. It's a MAD, MAD World. And King Arthur (which sucked. Sorry Keira and Clive, I do like you both usually.)

The day after Christmas- this is where the fun began. I promptly got into a bitchy fight with both my mom and dad. (They were both in a shitty mood as well). So, I ran off, which I always do when I need to escape my house, to the Morris family house.
Miriam, Bob and Ellie.

Miriam, is a quirky Brit who talks to her plants and cats alike. Also, her brain doesn't work the way most people's do. She usually ends up saying things that make no sense and at the most random times. She also likes to wear leg warmers and for that I will love her forever.

Bob, a quirky American. Bob likes to play guitar but has no right hand. He likes to wear camaflouge and hunts things in the woods round back. We trade cds back and forth.

Ellie, the friend I've known the longest and is actually still close friends with. Ellie is a wonderful genetic blend of both her parents. She too, wears legwarmers and has promised me a pair.

After, we ate and ate and ate, we ate some more. Then we went to Penny and Nigle's house- friends of the family.

Penny and Nigle, both Brits as well, have been divorced for at least 4 years now, yet they still live in the same house and entertain together "for convenience".
Penny is absolutely hilarious and wears leather mini skirts.

Her boys, Nicko and Kip (I believe were their names) are gorgeous, in that all-American way. Ellie and I would have been completely intimidated except they were both incredibly nice.

After leaving, Bob's car broke down and we had to fix it in the snow.

The evening ended. I drove home in the snow. I skidded a few times. Got into another bitchy dialogue with my dad and went to sleep. Now I am going to my great-aunts, Eleanor and Annette's house. It should be hilarious and i have a feeling we're going to eat chicken again.

Here's my friend, the Brazilian

2004-12-17T13:16:00.000-08:00

Megan got a little drunk and loose at her work Christmas party.
She also attempted to do a split for her boss and landed on her knees.
Hahaha.

This is more me right?

2004-12-16T20:02:00.000-08:00

Alright Melissa, you're right. The parchment paper is for someone more polished than my scruffy, psychologist to be self.

I hate SMOOTH people

2004-12-16T15:45:00.000-08:00

Sara's most recent blog just got me thinking about social awkardness and smooth people. As we all know, I can be pretty damn socially awkward. I've gotten over most of the major symptoms since graduating from high school, thankfully.

However, there are just some people that I get completely awkward when I'm around them.

1. My philosophy advisor- Great woman. I've had her as a professor before. She for some reason is interested in the philosophical effects of trauma like me. She likes me. I get around her and I fumble. She looks at me sympathetically and I feel even worse. I ask her about her new baby and pray that I am calling him the right name. It is Dominique right God?

2. When I have my period, I am ten times more awkward. And that's always when I run into the SMOOTH people. Thank god my most recent boss was shy so it came across as if she was akward.

Thank god for finals. It is the excuse for social awkardness- you know haven't slept much, haven't eaten or have eaten too much, haven't showered in days.

I hate finals. But I am most comfortable socially when I am around people during them.

3.

Oh. It's so sad....

2004-12-15T21:37:00.003-08:00

Poor Jurgen Habermas. He meant so well too! I hate it when you slave over someone's books. You hate them with a passion for months and then you finally get to understand his theories. You even think you may want to have coffee with the man, if only you spoke German! And you're even sad that you don't have the energy to write full sentences for the final take home concerning him.

Let me say it again, Poor Jurgen. I think I just like his name..Jurgen, Jurgen, Jurgen, Jurgen, Jurgen. Ok, I'll stop. I haven't slept in days (just a lame excuse). Jurgen, Jurgen.

I read him and then came to the conclusion that his wonderful moral theory (discourse ethics if any of you were interested...probably not) didn't give a person in discourse the obligation to act. I cried screaming, "Jurgen! I'll act on my obligations, even if your theory doesn't obligate anyone else!" I yelled. Then I got mad. The stupid guy is wrong! And so is care ethics! Wah. Well, neither of them or flat out wrong morally. They just don't obligate one to act. Which is like being WRONG! WRONG!

He made some beautiful metaphysical and ontological observations anyway on the relational self. Oh god, listen to me. I'm never going to make it in the real world.

It's like loving an author or someone. Like JD Salinger. Then finding out he was a complete ASSHOLE in real life.

Life, full of disappointments. Ok, I have to finish that final now. Even though he's WRONG!

The Most Perfect Songs Ever

2004-12-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

1. Sweet Thing- Van Morrison
2. Tangled Up In Blue- Bob Dylan
3. Little Green- Joni Mitchell
4. Sweet Jane- Lou Reed (I'm NOT saying Velvet Underground- its his fucking song)
5. The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down- The Band
6. Song For You- Gram Parsons
7. It's Gonna Take A Miracle- Laura Nyro and Patti LaBelle
8. Meet on The Ledge- Fairport Convention
9. Calvary Cross- Richard Thompson
10. Blue Train- John Coltrane
11. Kathy's Song- Eva Cassidy
12. The New Pollution- Beck
13. The Revelator- Gillian Welch and David Rawlings

The Big Jerk

2004-12-08T23:21:00.000-08:00

Rumsfeld on the war in Iraq:
"You go to war with the army you have, not the army you want."

So now you're blaming the troops?? To the face of the troops? Smart move.
I hope someone hit him in the face with that crappy creamed spinach the troops get served.

I would say more, but I'll probably get shot by the secret service. Now that you can look through my files. Damn, I'm glad I'm not a Republican. (I come from a line of Reds- please don't arrest me.)

This just made my day! Look....

2004-12-05T20:18:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I don't need a cardigan with reindeer on it anymore. This is way better!

There was this bitchy ass girl who went to my high school named Carrie Mills. And look what's become of her!!!!!!..... hahahaha....

Need I say more!

Labotomies

2004-12-05T14:39:00.000-08:00

I need a fucking LABOTOMY! Oh wait that's right, I've already had one.

I hate when I can hear Pat typing proficiently in the next room. It makes me feel like a slacker. I mean, my Plato book is open and everything, but I haven't really done anything with it. My mouth is open, I'm drooling and staring at the Christmas lights in the room.

I've been listening to Windows Media Player radio stations. Even Stevie Wonder's "Everyone's a kid at Christmas" couldn't make me feel better. It makes me want to go home....but not to dialysis machines and hugs.

The Indie station isn't much better. After one too many John Vanderslice songs, I wanted to shoot myself. Even the endless fire alarms here (always happens during finals) couldn't shake me out of my blank stare.

Because everything's about ME. ME ME ME ME.

Don't mind me. I'm going to buy a reindeer cardigan. Maybe that'll help.

Uck.. "Can't take my eyes off of you"

2004-12-03T21:33:00.000-08:00

That fucking song played all night. Well let me tell you something, asshole who sings that song- "I don't know what you look like, but I CAN take my eyes of off You!!! So fuck off!"
(Another reason not to see Closer!)

Movie Review!

2004-12-03T21:22:00.000-08:00

Just got back from hanging out with Rohit and now I am about to relax with some white wine and a book about a manic depressive woman who is now a renowned psychologist.
Rohit and I happened to see the movie Closer. I rate it a C- at best. Jude Law was annoying as usual, Julia Roberts meant well as usual, Natalie Portman was good as usual, and Clive Owen was damn good as usual.
It is practically the only time that I went to see a movie and the audience felt the same way as me. We laughed at times that were probably not appropriate. And when the credits went up, I think we all said in unison- "What the fuck was that?"
Also, I would just like to tell you all that Rohit and I do a damn good rendition of Summer Lovin' from Grease and Hungry Eyes from Dirty Dancing. So if anyone is hiring for weddings or bar mitzvah's we'd be happy to perform. Just keep it in mind....

Second Best Pick Up Line Ever

2004-12-02T20:48:00.000-08:00

I'm back. You all saw me on Friday....my loud self... I hear it gets amplified when I'm drunk. Oh well, it runs in the family. I apologize for.... I don't know. What do I apologize for? I know I repeated the same sentence to Craig 40 million times... HA!

I'm back in D.C.. My mom is still alive, I should know, she just called me.

The second best pick up line ever: So...do you like to spoon? I just have to do the character Pat from Saturday Night Live and it's complete. Watch out guys! Here I come! The spooner is back!